


A Deafening Silence

by chaotic_carisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27197123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi
Summary: “Carisi, this is ADA Barba, he helps out a lot.” Liv’s voice cut through the silence and Rafael stepped forwards, offering his hand.“Dominick Carisi jr. Call me Sonny.” He said, shaking Rafael’s hand.Rafael was shocked. The detectives voice was barely more than a whisper. Had it not been for the same accent, Rafael would've been convinced someone else was talking before.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 82





	A Deafening Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I have to give the biggest thank you to Ellen for giving me this idea! I can only hope I've done it justice.

“Where’s your new detective, Liv?” Rafael asked, fastening his jacket as they left the courtroom. He had heard a lot about Amaro’s replacement from the others but had still to meet him. 

“Carisi? God knows. Probably eating donuts somewhere.” The pair laughed as they started on the familiar journey from the courthouse to the precinct. “If you’re so desperate to meet him, you should just wait at the precinct for a while. He’ll show up at some point.”

Rafael thought for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. I’ve got nothing better to do.” He didn’t mind spending time at the precinct. There was coffee and occasionally he could help a detective with something. “It’ll be nice to put a face to the name.” 

It didn’t take long to get to the precinct, but the journey was helped along by discussions of the lieutenants' recent cases. Although he would never admit it, he enjoyed hearing about how they went, specifically he enjoyed hearing about the DA’s that helped when he couldn’t, most of which caused him to scoff. If he couldn’t help, they could at least hire a DA that would do a good job. 

“If Carisi’s back, we’ll hear him straight away.” Liv said as they entered the precinct. Rafael was just glad to be out of the cold, he had almost forgot about meeting the new detective. 

“That loud?” He smirked. Rollins had mentioned he talks a lot, and Rafael had assumed it was bad if she chose him for company instead of the usual crowd. Rollins had also mentioned a moustache, and the word ‘greasy’ was repeated a few times. Rafael thought about what greasy meant as they stepped into the elevator. 

“Oh yeah. But it’s alright, he’s got the whole empathy thing going.” Rafael didn’t even bother to ask; he knew it would become clear soon enough. 

As they left the elevator, Rafael became aware of what Liv and the others meant. It was usually loud on a normal day, officers and detectives talking, suspects arguing, fights breaking out in cells, but this was different. 

The first thing that Rafael noticed was the accent. Staten Island for sure. He shot a look of reproach to the lieutenant. He was barely aware of what the detective was saying, only that it was loud, and the accent thick. Rafael wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see when he rounded the corner, he wasn’t sure to how to imagine this loud, supposedly greasy, detective, but the man in the center of the room was the polar opposite to what he expected. 

He was tall, taller than Rafael, and slender. Rafael felt as though it took forever to look from the floor up to his face, his eyes, and finally his hair. Now he understood where ‘greasy’ came from. Even from across the room, he could tell his greying hair was coated in gel. No moustache Rafael noted, wondering if he had missed out on something good. His gaze dropped back to the detective’s eyes and he felt his heart skip a beat as he noticed the taller man staring back. His eyes were blue, and brighter than most. Without realizing it, his gaze dropped to his lips. Rafael suddenly became aware of the fact that he had been staring for too long, but there was no ignoring the obvious. The new detective was ridiculously handsome. 

It was only now that Rafael realized the almost deafening silence. The detective had stopped talking, and Rafael couldn’t place when exactly. 

“Carisi, this is ADA Barba, he helps out a lot.” Liv’s voice cut through the silence and Rafael stepped forwards, offering his hand. 

“Dominick Carisi jr. Call me Sonny.” He said, shaking Rafael’s hand. 

Rafael was shocked. The detectives voice was barely more than a whisper. Had it not been for the same accent, Rafael would've been convinced someone else was talking before. Carisi let go first, instantly stuffing his hand his pocket and taking a few steps back before leaning against a desk, presumably his own. His silence intrigued him. If he really was talking before, what caused the detective to suddenly stop. 

Rafael wasn’t listening to the lieutenant, but quickly after she said something, the detectives began to busy themselves. Liv made her way to her office, leaving Rafael frozen in the center of the room. 

“Barba, you got a minute?” It was Rollins calling him from her own desk. He made his way over, grateful that he now had his back to Carisi. 

“Sure,” he said, leaning against her desk, then more quietly, "I thought you said he had a moustache.”

She smirked at this. “He did, but he shaved. Won't say why.” Rafael had to fight the urge to look over his shoulder. Instead, he glanced at the file open on Rollins desk. “Do you two know each other? He hasn’t been this quiet since he arrived.”

Rafael shook his head. “No, not at all.” 

-

He thought about this as he left the precinct a few hours later. Surely someone else was talking, he thought. Theres no way that one man could be so loud, and then so quiet. 

He thought about this the next day, as well. Sure, he should've been working, but it puzzled him. What made Carisi lose his voice. Perhaps it was just nerves, perhaps he had a bad experience with a previous ADA. Whichever it was, Rafael probably wouldn’t find out for a while. 

He was wrong. Around midday Liv called, informing Rafael that Carisi would be dropping by to discuss a case. Apparently, everyone else was busy, leaving Carisi the only detective available. 

Rafael could barely focus on his paperwork, he kept checking the clock on the wall, counting the minutes until Carisi would be arriving. Several times he found himself thinking about Carisi’s eyes, his lips, even his over-gelled hair. 

About an hour after Liv called, there was a knock on Rafaels door. It was quiet, but it was a knock. 

“Come in!” He called, then sat up a little straighter, quickly adjusting his tie as Carisi walked in, closing the door quietly behind him. “How can I help, Detective?” 

“The lieutenant asked me to bring this by.” He said, his voice barely louder than the day before, as he passed a file to Rafael. There was something about the way he stood awkwardly in front of Rafaels desk that reminded him of a schoolkid getting told off by the principal. 

“Take a seat, Detective.” Rafael gestured towards the chair in front of his desk as he took the file and flipped through it. 

Carisi sat on the edge of the seat, hands clasped on his knees. He wasn’t sure if he should say something, or just let the counsellor read. He couldn’t decide whether he should apologise for the day before, or act as though it never it happened. In the end he did neither, only sat and watched the counsellor as he read. The counsellors face was set, a look of concentration and curiosity as he read. His green eyes skimmed the pages quickly. Sonny fought to keep his face straight as he noticed how the counsellor's tongue poked out the corner of his mouth. It was silly, Sonny knew it was, he barely knew the man, but he could already tell he was developing a crush. A stupid crush. He didn’t even know if Barba was gay, but that was something to find out another day. 

He dropped his gaze to the name plate on the counsellors' desk. Rafael Barba. Sonny knew he would never be more than ‘counsellor’ but still, it was nice to imagine. 

“How are you settling in at SVU, Detective?” Rafael finished reading the file and placed it on his desk. Sonny almost forgot he was ‘detective’ and tried quickly to find an answer. The counsellor barely said anything, but Sonny was hooked on his voice. He could be talking about the most gruesome subject and Sonny would be enraptured. 

Sonny felt his face burn red. A really stupid crush, he thought. “Alright.” he said and left it at that. The precinct was fine, but Sonny still felt out of place, he knew he would for a while. he was used to being the new guy by now, so he didn’t mind as much anymore, but he still wanted to fit in. He noticed the counsellor frown as he answered, but he couldn’t figure out why. Maybe he had been expecting a different answer. Sonny wouldn’t dare bother the counsellor with anything other than what he had been sent in for, he didn’t want to make a bad impression so early on. 

Rafael sighed. The other detectives must have been teasing him, winding him up, creating false expectations for this new detective. “Alright,” he said, giving up. He wasn’t going to get much more out of Carisi, so why bother. “Tell Liv I'll look over it. Thanks, detective.” 

Sonny stood up, somewhat disappointed that he was leaving so soon, yet grateful to be able to think straight again. Well, somewhat straight. 

“Counsellor.” He nodded briefly toward Barba, then left his office, groaning as he made his way down the corridor. Why couldn’t he just speak up, he thought to himself as he made his way outside. It wouldn’t be so hard. Sonny knew exactly why, he knew the reason why he couldn’t, but he wasn’t ready to open that door yet. 

-

Sonny managed to keep Rafael Barba out of most of his thoughts for the next few days. The counsellor hadn't been to the precinct again, and Sonny had started to relax again. Until the lieutenant announced that they had to attend a hearing, that is. 

It was only a hearing, Sonny didn’t have to do anything, just listen and wait for the verdict. Any other time, he would've been grateful for the chance to watch the hearing, to learn something that could help him through law school, but all he could think about was Rafael Barba. 

It didn’t take long to get to the courthouse, as they arrived, the lieutenant left to find Barba, leaving Sonny with Rollins. 

“This your first-time seeing Barba in court?” She asked as they made their way to the courtroom to find a seat. 

Sonny nodded. “I’ve got high hopes.” He had heard a lot about how Barba worked in court, the others spoke about him as though he were a Rockstar. He wouldn’t admit it, but Sonny was just excited to hear him speak again. 

“You're in for a treat.” Rollins said as they sat at the back of the courtroom. 

Sonny didn’t have time to answer. The counsellor had just entered the courtroom, followed by the Lieutenant who sat in front of Sonny and Rollins. 

Sonny watched as Barba walked up to the table he’d probably sat at hundreds of times before. He was confident, and it showed. He was going to win this case and he knew it. 

Rafael was confident about this case; he had enough evidence to push for a long sentence. He organised the paperwork on his desk, then glanced around, wondering who the lieutenant had brought along. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he found himself staring into those brilliant blue eyes once again. He hadn't expected to see him again so soon, and definitely not here. He turned back around and tried to focus on the papers in front of him, but all he could think about was Carisi. It was ridiculous, he thought. Carisi is a colleague, and they had barely even spoken, not to mention the fact that Rafael was probably ten years older than the Detective. 

The courtroom was Rafael’s stage. When he knew what he was doing, he did it, and he did it well. Rafael already felt confident enough to win this case, but for some reason, he found himself showing off. He didn’t have to, he only had to convince the jury of the facts, the facts which were plain to see, but he wanted to. More specifically, he wanted to impress Carisi. He wanted to impress a man he had only met twice. It was ridiculous, he knew it was, but it worked. 

Sonny was hooked on every single word that left Rafael’s mouth. He had never seen a counsellor like Barba, and he probably wouldn’t again. He could’ve watched forever, he would’ve been more than happy to sit and listen to Barba talk for hours, but less than an hour after it started, it was over. The jury began to file out, along with most of the gallery. Barba also left; the lieutenant followed him out. A thought struck Sonny as he watched the door shut behind Liv. 

“Rollins, are they... a thing?” he asked, turning to face her. He wasn’t sure why he hadn't thought about it before, but whenever Barba was around, he was usually with the lieutenant. He thought of the way Barba called her ‘Liv’ a few days ago and felt his stomach flip. Trust him to fall for his bosses' partner. 

To Sonny’s surprise, Rollins just laughed. “Barba? And Liv? Of course not.” Relief flooded through Sonny. “Why? You interested?” 

Was It that obvious? “What? No, of course not.” he said, a little too quickly. 

“Relax, I’m joking.” She replied, and Sonny felt his heartbeat return to normal. He wasn’t ready to be outed at yet another precinct. “What did you think of Barba?” 

What did he think? Where to begin. He couldn’t contain it, he burst into a tangent on the way Barba had made his case and how he spoke to the jury. He didn’t realise how long he had been talking for until Rollins stood up. 

“I’m going for a coffee, you want anything?” Sonny shook his head. Truthfully, she needed some silence. Rollins left Carisi in the courtroom and felt relieved to see Liv and Barba in the corridor talking. 

“The jury will make a decision soon, it won’t be much longer. Something wrong?” Rafael asked as Rollins approached. He thought they might have been called back already, or perhaps she needed Liv for something. 

Rollins shook her head. “I just needed a break from Carisi. I think you blew his mind Barba, he won’t shut up.”

He wouldn’t believe it, he couldn’t. There was no way this was the same Carisi who sat silently in his office several days ago. Well, even if Rafael had yet to meet this talkative Carisi, his showing off clearly worked. It shouldn’t have, but this made him hopeful, even though it didn’t prove anything. No, Rafael couldn’t think about this, not now. He pushed all thoughts of Sonny Carisi from his mind and made his way back into the courtroom. 

-

Rafael wasn’t sure why he went to the precinct that evening, in fact he barely remembered deciding to go. He left his office early; he couldn’t focus anymore, and the work wouldn’t go anywhere. As he stood outside, he thought about going home, but his feet seemed to have a different idea. The next thing he knew he was outside the precinct, waiting for a reason to go inside. 

Carisi was inside, he thought. Rafael would give anything to go inside and talk to him, he just wanted to know more about him. There must be a reason Carisi didn’t talk to him, and it probably wasn’t because he liked him. Defeated, Rafael turned around, and glanced down the street, looking for a taxi. 

“Hey Barba!” It was Rollins. Rafael turned back around, and found himself facing not just Rollins, but Liv, Fin and Carisi. How would he explain why he was there? Apparently, this wasn’t something that occurred to the detectives. “We’re going to the bar, you coming?” 

Barba weighed the options in his mind. He could go home, and drink there, or go with the detectives and hope that alcohol would loosen Carisi’s tongue. 

“Sure.” 

Sonny watched Barba as he drank. He seemed distracted, not as confident as usual, but he wasn’t going to say anything, not while the other detectives were still there. Sonny had a plan, or at least the beginnings of a plan. He knew the other detectives wouldn’t stay long, Liv and Rollins had reasons to go home, Fin would probably take a while longer, but he’d leave eventually. By that point, Sonny would probably have drunk enough to talk to Barba. Hopefully. 

Shortly after their third round, the lieutenant left with Rollins. Fin was telling Sonny about the first time they had met Barba, a tough case that ended with Barba getting choked in court by his own belt. 

“What?” Sonny almost choked on his drink. “How?”

“Well, I knew it would show his true nature to the jury,” he paused, took a drink, then looked into Sonny’s eyes, and finished with something unexpected. “And, I wanted to know how it felt.” He shrugged, as though this were a normal thing to say. “I wanted to see why it was such a big deal.” 

Sonny was barely aware that he was leaning on the table now, leaning closer towards Barba. “Was it worth it?” he asked, losing himself in the counsellors' eyes. Sonny had barely noticed the colour green before he met Barba. He didn’t dislike it, but he didn’t like it either, it was just there. Now it was everywhere. He couldn’t see anything but green, when he was at work, at home, anywhere, it just stood out. Now, at the bar, it was all he could see. 

Rafael didn’t get a chance to answer. 

“I’m done for the night.” Fin announced, standing up. Carisi looked away from Rafael and muttered his goodnight to the detective. Rafael waved with minimal effort, grateful to be alone with Carisi. He watched him for a minute, wondering where to start. Rafael noticed he had leaned back against his chair and was looking down at the floor. 

“What's your deal?” He asked, shocking himself in the process. He didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, but he was sick of the silence. Carisi looked up, shock etched on his face, confusion in his eyes. “I mean, you barely say two words in front of me, but all I hear is that you talk non-stop. So, what is it?” 

Sonny knew this was coming. He sighed, then quickly swallowed the rest of his drink and looked back into Barba’s eyes. “I didn’t want to mess up. I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted you to like me.” 

“Don’t you think I would’ve liked you from the start, if you had just been yourself?” There was a sadness in Carisi’s eyes that Rafael couldn't understand. 

“Why would you have any reason to like me?” Sonny sat back and looked down at his hands. Rafael was everything Sonny wasn’t. There was no reason for him to even look at Sonny. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Rafael resisted the urge to reach across and take Sonny’s hand. “I want to know you, Sonny.”

Sonny didn’t answer. He couldn’t understand why the counsellor would even be interested in him. He was loud, messy, a pain in the ass. He thought of all the times people around him complained, whether he was talking too much, or too loudly, or his accent was too annoying. He couldn’t help it. Sometimes he spoke about things, and yeah, he got excited, he liked telling people about things that he liked, but no one ever seemed to enjoy listening. 

“I don’t want to bother you.” He said, still not looking up at Barba. The idea of Barba becoming annoyed at Sonny was horrible, yet he couldn’t avoid it. 

“You not talking bothers me,” he joked, but Sonny didn’t react. “Sonny, you won’t bother me. I promise.” 

“You can’t promise something like that, you barely know me.” Sonny pouted. 

“So let me get to know you.” Rafael reached across the table now, placing his own hand on Sonny’s. “Would you like to go out for dinner with me?“ 

Sonny looked up at Rafael. This would’ve been a cruel joke, but there was a softness in the counsellors’ eyes that let Sonny know that he was telling the truth, that he could trust him. For the first time in a long time, Sonny felt hopeful. 

“I’d like that.”


End file.
